Sh*tty Mom for All Seasons: [email protected]/*
Mary Ann Zoellner, Alicia Ybarbo, Erin Clune
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
The authors of the New York Times–bestselling Sh*tty Mom are back with a hilarious guide presenting common parenting scenarios with advice for getting through the year the sh*tty mom way.
Told in the same tongue-in-cheek voice as the original, this sequel is full of funny parenting tips and relatable stories for contemporary moms. Sh*tty Mom for All Seasons explores the occasions throughout the year that test every mother’s patience and inspire self-deprecating humor and that second glass of wine. With chapters organized by season, the book will teach you how to navigate the bumpy roads of motherhood, learn to laugh at the occasional parenting fail, and maybe even appreciate your own mother. Or not. Sample chapters for the sh*tty mom year include: • Fall: “Yes, We All Have to Be Here: The Annual PTO Funsraiser”
• Winter: “Mom’s Real New Year’s Resolutions”
• Spring: “I’m Running Off with the Gardner: April Fools!”
• Summer: “Summer Reading Lists & Other Great Reasons Why You Don’t Home School”
The Emmy Award–winning TODAY show producers and self-proclaimed sh*tty moms, Alicia Ybarbo and Mary Ann Zoellner, together with humorist Erin Clune, bring you the perfect book for mothers who don’t take themselves too seriously.
sufficient background check, you might hire the nanny equivalent of Vladimir Putin, who—after several glaring irregularities in the interview process—will literally never leave. Every summer, you hope for a miracle worker. Someone who’ll take away the children’s iPods from time to time, teach them a few languages, keep the house stocked up on bananas, heal the dog of its compulsive scratching disorder, fix the leak in the living room ceiling, and convince your husband that having sex once a week
smart-phones made for little troll hands? * Answer: Definitely maybe three. DO EDUCATIONAL APPS COUNT AS STUDYING? * Answer: Obviously. DID YOU GIVE THE KIDS AN INCONSISTENT MESSAGE THIS SUMMER ABOUT WORK? Your husband thought the kid should get a math tutor. You think having a math tutor in second grade sounds about as fake as classical Greek. Whatever that is. Especially because—when you’re not reading a clickbait article in the Atlantic about how hard it is to get kids into college—you
twenty-first century. For one thing, spring cleaning isn’t a family affair anymore. Kids today can’t devote an entire day to chores; they’re way too busy with playdates. Also, we have vacuums now. And electric dryers, natural-gas fireplaces, fast-food restaurants, microwaves, chlorine bleach, and sinus medication. Because of that technology-driven hyper-cleanliness, our immune systems are shutting down, and we’re all dying of superbugs. Thanks, Benjamin Franklin. There are people who still
life-support systems, like clean water and flashlights with batteries. Staying alive is great and everything, but if you’re a mom, you have other shit to worry about. You need to worry about staying sane so that when they finally dig you out, they don’t take your children away. You need an emergency kit of activities for distracting and entertaining your climate-changed kids. MAKE YOUR OWN CRYSTAL RADIO. The upside: This activity takes a lot of time, and if constructed properly, the radio is an
parental controls! Reminder! If your computer has a little battery power left, see if you can find the REAL Dark Web. Snowstorms are the perfect time to find out if your husband is dinking around behind your back. If it turns out he’s submitted his name to a marital cheating site, don’t leave him for lying. Leave him for being a complete fucking idiot. * CHAPTER 41 * If You Can Survive February, You Can Survive Anything. Even Valentine’s Day. If antidepressants had a “season,” it would be