It's Not Just Who You Know: Transform Your Life (and Your Organization) by Turning Colleagues and Contacts into Lasting, Genuine Relationships
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In It’s Not Just Who You Know, Tommy Spaulding—the former CEO of Up With People—has written the new How to Win Friends and Influence People for the twenty-fist century. Success—in business and in life—is all about relationships. In this powerful guide to reaching out to others, Spaulding takes Dale Carnegie’s classic philosophy to the next level—how to create lasting relationships that go well beyond mere superficial contacts and “second floor” relationships.
Tommy Spaulding learned at a very young age that he was not destined to be an academic star. He may have gotten a 4.0, but only if he added his high school and college GPAs together. The reason he found academics so challenging, he discovered later, is that Tommy is dyslexic. But his dyslexia didn’t hold him back—in fact, it helped him to develop the talents he did have. For Tommy is a natural leader; he realized early on that he had a unique ability to connect with others, whatever their age or background. As a teenager, he was given a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People by his father, and it quickly became his bible. He became a national finalist for the DECA Entrepreneurial Business competition in high school, and ran successfully for senior class president. He went on to become the CEO of Up With People, one of the largest nonprofit international leadership organizations in the world.
At every step, Tommy learned that the secret to getting ahead was reaching out for the support and insight and influence of others. None of us achieve great success alone. We need the help of other people.
In this candid, revealing book, Tommy expands upon the principles that Dale Carnegie outlined 75 years ago, and shows us how to take them one step further to accomplish the impossible in our lives and careers. To invite others to be genuine partners in our lives and success, Tommy explains, you have to first be interested in other people. It’s not just who you know, or what they can do for you, but what you can do for them. Motives matter. Establishing a deeper connection is about authenticity, not manipulation. Reciprocity, not selfishness. Every relationship is a two-way street; we never know when a chance encounter can change the direction of our life.
In the bestselling tradition of Dale Carnegie’s classic, It’s Not Just Who You Know shows how each and every one of us can use the power of netgiving—of helping others—to expand our world and achieve our goals, and make a difference in our job, our career, and our community.
a magazine or a book for what I knew would be a long wait. My last name starts with an S, which meant I’d be among the last to go in for the interview. So I ordered a Diet Pepsi and kept company with the bartender as he went about his routine chores. As it turned out, the bartender owned the restaurant, just like his father before him and his father’s father before them both. And it seemed very likely the four-year-old boy playing behind the bar would one day own it too. It was a good life, the
phone, my heart was beating faster than a thoroughbred making a stretch run at Saratoga. But I braced myself for the likely event that the news wouldn’t be good. “How are you, Tommy my boy?” Tom said when he took the phone from his wife, Lu. “I don’t know, Tom,” I said. “You tell me.” Then he said six words I’ll never forget: “You won, Tommy boy! You won!” I’d won in athletics and I had won student government elections, but I’d never won anything like this—an academic scholarship. For a guy
Next to “occupation,” Jerry listed “insurance.” So I prepped myself for the inevitable sales pitch. Great to meet you, Tommy! … Tell me about yourself and your family! … Great, great! … Now, Tommy, my friend, if you were to die tonight, would your family be taken care of? … Well, we met for lunch—I remember that we both had salmon salads—and we talked about this, that, and the other, but the topic of insurance never came up. Not once. I expected a First Floor relationship in which Jerry would
yards, even thirty yards out. My little sister, Michele, often came to the field to catch or fetch the balls. One time she sprained her thumb while trying to catch a ball, and, to my embarrassment, I made her wait until I was finished kicking all two hundred field goals before we went home. When I showed up at tryouts in August, I was ready. I put on a football uniform for the first time, and some of the other players teased me a bit. But they shut up when they saw me kick a field goal from
good. My handicap is about a 25, but I love playing with low-handicappers because they make me better. And I like to hang out with successful people. I’m not threatened by their success; I’m inspired by it. If you’re in sales and others on the sales team are pulling in better numbers, learn from them. If you get passed over for a promotion, give that other person her due and self-reflect on the things you need to improve to get the next promotion. If the regional vice president flies in and