Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate
Roger Fisher, Daniel Shapiro
Language: English
Pages: 256
ISBN: 0143037781
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
“Written in the same remarkable vein as Getting to Yes, this book is a masterpiece.” —Dr. Steven R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
• Winner of the Outstanding Book Award for Excellence in Conflict Resolution from the International Institute for Conflict Prevention and Resolution •
In Getting to Yes, renowned educator and negotiator Roger Fisher presented a universally applicable method for effectively negotiating personal and professional disputes. Building on his work as director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, Fisher now teams with Harvard psychologist Daniel Shapiro, an expert on the emotional dimension of negotiation and author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts. In Beyond Reason, Fisher and Shapiro show readers how to use emotions to turn a disagreement-big or small, professional or personal-into an opportunity for mutual gain.
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your compliance with a request. Or they may refuse to understand your point of view. Any such actions will push your button if you rely on others for appreciation. You do, however, have control over your ability to appreciate others—and over your ability to appreciate yourself. You can use your own internal resources to appreciate yourself, to boost your self-confidence, and to clarify your understanding of your point of view and theirs. You will want to explore the objective merits of your
be working together, let’s sit together here at this table.” Refer to the importance of their interests. “As I see it, any solution we come up with will have to take care of interests important to you as well as interests important to us. I understand fairly clearly the interests on our side. But I doubt if I understand your interests as well as I should. If you would like to do so, I would welcome your taking a few minutes to lay out what you consider to be important interests on your side. I
could then quickly review interests of ours that we think important. This might help us both be clear on the major interests that will have to be taken into account in any agreement we reach.” Emphasize the shared nature of the task you both face. “We certainly face a real challenge in coming up with something both our bosses can be happy with! Let’s jot down your concerns and mine and go forward from there.” Avoid dominating the conversation. “Before going any further, I think I should stop
for daring to question the hard work of the Super Sox. But she stops herself, recognizing that her main purpose for expressing emotions is to maintain a relationship with Bill and with Burger Brothers. She realizes that Bill may be trying to use his strong emotions to influence the Super Sox to make future concessions. She needs a low-cost way to deal with Bill’s strong emotions while not making any substantive sacrifices on her end. She decides to appreciate Bill’s situation. It’s low cost, and
want to be heard. Be prepared to listen. During a negotiation, there are many active listening techniques you can use to improve your understanding of another. Two are worth noting here: Listen for the “music” as well as the words. The process of coming to understand is not limited to hearing specific words that someone utters. It is important for a listener to gather the ambience that surrounds them, to listen for the mood, character, atmosphere, and emotional tone that put the words into a
