The Haunted Vagina
Carlton Mellick III
Language: English
Pages: 120
ISBN: 097624988X
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead...
Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.
When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return... especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy's legs.
"A very strange and surprisingly touching love story, despite the deliberately asinine premise. With subtle humor, surreal erotica, and some genuinely creepy moments, The Haunted Vagina is a completely unique reading experience."
"Easily the craziest, weirdest, strangest, funniest, most obscene writer in America." - GOTHIC MAGAZINE
"Bizarre, twisted, and emotionally raw--Carlton Mellick's fiction is the literary equivalent of putting your brain in a blender." - BRIAN KEENE, author of The Rising and Dead Sea
"Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!" - CHRISTOPHER MOORE, author of The Stupidest Angel
"Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talented practitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale." - CORY DOCTOROW, author of Little Brother
"Carlton Melick III exemplifies the intelligence and wit that lurks between its lurid covers. In a genre where crude titles are an art in themselves, Mellick is a true artist." - THE GUARDIAN
"Just as Pop had Andy Warhol and Dada Tristan Tzara, the Bizarro movement has its very own P. T. Barnum-type practitioner. He's the mutton-chopped author of such books as Electric Jesus Corpse and The Menstruating Mall, the illustrator, editor, and instructor of all things Bizarro, and his name is Carlton Mellick III." - DETAILS MAGAZINE
The Annihilation Score (Laundry Files Series, Book 6)
The Barking Ghost (Goosebumps, Book 32)
sore. My head swollen and bruised. My hangover now hitting me at full strength. All I want to do is sleep. 48 CHAPTER TWENTY Stacy parks and gets out of the car, walking bowlegged up the sidewalk, holding one hand around her humongous pregnant belly, and pushing my head back into her crotch with the other. When she gets into the house, she unzips her pants and I’m able to breathe fresh air. The morning sun comes in and blinds my eyes. “Are you okay in there?” she asks. I see her hair draped
side of the cliff. The ladder is still in pieces on the ground. I hammer a spike into the side of the cliff. It bleeds a little. Then I attach a chord to the peg and propel down. “I’m in,” I tell Stacy. “Are you safe?” she asks, her voice is accompanied by static. “Yeah,” I tell her. I open the greasy bag and pull out a towel to wipe off all the petroleum jelly. I insisted on taking that along. Then I put on some clothes and hiking boots. And a warm jacket. Stacy was nice enough to get me a new
themselves. After maybe twenty minutes of socializing, we are served by Fig’s relative. Only we aren’t served food, we are served crafts. Some of the people get balls of yarn, some people get puzzles, most of the people get dolls to paint. I get modeling clay. Fig sticks her tongue out at my clay, like it’s gross. She’s bouncing in her seat excited to work on painting a skull that chatters its teeth at her. “I thought we were going to have food?” I ask her. She doesn’t know what I’m talking
pointing it into her crotch. She rubs it against her slippery opening, her breath cold on my neck. Then she grabs my butt with both hands and pulls me into her. Inside, it’s like hot jelly or maybe rubber cement. She writhes under me with a crooked smile, gripping my hips and pulsing against me. We kiss each other with our tiny mouths, pressing against each other’s smooth plastic skin. My rubbery penis pumps into her latex vagina, creating a loud squeaky sound that echoes through the musty room.
The Avant Punk Book Club! For $55, you will get the next six Carlton Mellick III books released through Avant Punk sent directly to your home one month before their release dates! No more waiting, no more hassle. Just razor wire butt plugs all year round! Please fill out the form and mail it to the address below with a check or money order for $55 made out to Rose O’Keefe. You can also pay online via paypal.com to publisher@eraserheadpress.com, just put “Avant Punk Book Club” in the subject line.
