It's So Hard to Love You: Staying Sane When Your Loved One Is Manipulative, Needy, Dishonest, or Addicted
Language: English
Pages: 200
ISBN: 1572244968
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Smart Strategies for Dealing with People Who Are Really Hard to Love
Most of us have someone in our life that we care about, but who is really hard to love: a spouse or sibling with an addiction or anger problem, a parent whose actions frighten or frustrate you, an adult child whom you feel makes the wrong choices over and over, or a friend or other relative who can't get it together. Just because someone you love has a problem, though, doesn't mean you stop loving him or her. You don't want to let go of this person, but you do want to stop getting hurt.
It's So Hard to Love You—written by a brother-and-sister team—offers tools that will help you deal with the anguish of loving a difficult person while maintaining a sane relationship with him or her. Using the strategies in this book, you'll start to clearly recognize the negative effects your loved one's behavior is having on your life. You'll learn to accept that this person's actions may not ever change—but that your actions can. You'll find ways to shift your focus from changing the difficult person to changing your reactions to him or her. As you learn to deal with your difficult loved one on your own terms, you'll also learn techniques for managing the possible negative reactions that can arise from your changing relationship.
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Fear 3. Resentment and anger 4. Blame 5. Guilt 6. Shame 7. Compassion fatigue 8. Magical thinking 9. Obligations and duty 10. Expectations Some of these factors may not apply to you, but they are common stumbling blocks for many people and can help explain how you got where you are today. The information below does not present absolutes, because absolutes in human relations are rare. However, by contemplating the ten factors, you can better understand yourself—a crucial part of growth and
as they grow older, although at different speeds. Unfortunately, TLOs may spend a long time on one rung that’s not far off the ground. Different levels of wisdom. People on the wisdom ladder understand the world only to their own level of wisdom. This means that people below you on the ladder can’t understand or deal with situations as well as you do. The same is true for you. You can’t understand what those above you can understand. No amount of wishing will give a person wisdom that is higher
tool that can help iron out tensions between you and your TLO. Let’s look at the three points more fully. BOTH PEOPLE WILLING TO TALK Negotiation is talk between people who are willing to reach some agreement. For this to happen, you both need to believe it is even the tiniest bit possible to make even the smallest improvement in the stressful situation you share. You both also need to be willing—a small amount of willingness will do—to consider a new approach and listen to one another.
plane or car. Read something different. Write or read poetry. Start a new hobby. Go fishing. Light some candles. Watch children play. Take yourself out for ice cream. Be lovingly silent for one day. Take a rock climbing class. Pray in an unusual place. Play with play dough or clay. Do a challenging puzzle. Read to someone. Make something for yourself. Take a long bath or shower. Join a sports team. Ask someone to read to you. Visit an elderly person. Doodle for five minutes.
self-injury is also an attempt to gain control over memories or experiences that feel too overwhelming to cope with. Troubled Lives 17 Aggressors Aggressors taunt, stalk, mistreat, or take advantage of others physically, sexually, emotionally, verbally, financially, or psychologically. Whether through a single incident or ongoing abuse, the harm they inflict can be severe. The aggressor might be aggressive toward anyone— spouse, children, other family members, friends, coworkers, or
