Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen
Language: English
Pages: 352
ISBN: 0143118447
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
We attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day-whether dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with a spouse, or negotiating with a client. From the Harvard Negotiation Project, the organization that brought you Getting to Yes, Difficult Conversations provides a step-by-step approach to having those tough conversations with less stress and more success. you'll learn how to:
• Decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation
• Start a conversation without defensiveness
• Listen for the meaning of what is not said
• Stay balanced in the face of attacks and accusations
• Move from emotion to productive problem solving
The Science of Psychology: An Appreciative View
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professional standards? Disagreement is not a bad thing, nor does it necessarily lead to a difficult conversation. We disagree with people all the time, and often no one cares very much. But other times, we care a lot. The disagreement seems at the heart of what is going wrong between us. They won’t agree with what we want them to agree with and they won’t do what we need them to do. Whether or not we end up getting our way, we are left feeling The “What Happened?” Conversation 26 frustrated,
Hard-to-Spot Contributions “The concept of contribution makes sense,” you may be thinking. Even so, as you reflect on your own most pressing entanglement, you are baffled: “In this particular situation, I just don’t see how I have any contribution.” Spotting your own contribution becomes easier with practice. But it helps to be familiar with four common contributions that are often overlooked. Map the Contribution System 71 1. Avoiding Until Now One of the most common contributions to a
Contribution In addition to taking responsibility for what you contributed, there are things you can do to help them locate their contribution. Make Your Observations and Reasoning Explicit. To make sure that you’re working from the same information and understand each other’s interpretations, share, as specifically as you can recall it what the other person did or said that triggered your reaction. Sydney might say, for example, “When you stroked my hair or asked if we could spend some private
than you initially thought you did. Revisiting Conversations Gone Wrong Sometimes you know, perhaps from past experience, that the other person is likely to react negatively the minute you raise an especially sensitive topic. Your son doesn’t want to talk about his grades, your wife doesn’t want to talk about the finances, and the minute you raise the question of racism in the department your colleagues roll their 160 Create a Learning Conversation eyes. How can you open a more constructive
purposes are clear, Begin from the Third Story 161 then you will need to spend time exploring the Three Conversations from each of your perspectives. The other person will share their views and feelings, and you’ll step back into your story and share yours. What to Talk About: The Three Conversations As you share your stories, each of the Three Conversations offers a useful path to explore. You can talk about the past experiences What to Talk About that have led each of you to see the
