Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Melody Beattie
Language: English
Pages: 276
ISBN: 0894864025
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.
With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency--charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness.
Melody Beattie is the author of Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, Stop Being Mean to Yourself, The Codependent No More Workbook and Playing It by Heart.
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“Sorry!” We make our list, not to feel guilty, but to facilitate healing. Before we actually make amends or begin to consider appropriate amends, we allow ourselves to change our attitude. That is where healing begins—within us. It can change the energy. It can change the dynamics. It can begin the process, before we ever open our mouths and say sorry. It opens the door to love. It opens the door to the energy of love and healing. It enables us to release negative feelings and energy, and opens
on ideas for problem solving and conflict negotiation. We’ll discuss the following suggestions: • Identify and accept the problem. • Look for solutions that are in the best interest of the relationship. • Be open to various solutions. • Learn to combine emotion with reason. • Don’t take problems and differences personally. • Don’t deny an adversary reaction if it’s present, but don’t assume one either. • Learn to combine detachment with appropriate action steps. • Practice deliberate,
to all that? We probably don’t even want to hear it ourselves. After all, the person we’re mad at does have a disease. So shouldn’t we be feeling compassion and all that good stuff? Is it really all right to be this mad at a sick person? Yes, we have the right to be mad at a sick person. We didn’t ask for the problem. Although the ideal feeling is compassion, we probably won’t feel this until we deal with our anger. Somewhere between homicidal rage and biting our tongue because we feel sorry for
would lie there with confused, desperate thoughts. If he tried to touch me, I froze. How could he expect me to make love to him? How could he touch me as though nothing had happened? Usually I pushed him away with a sharp, “No, I’m too tired.” Sometimes I agreed. Occasionally, I did it because I wanted to. But, usually, if I had sex with him, it was because I felt obligated to take care of his sexual needs and guilty if I didn’t. Either way, sex was psychologically and emotionally unsatisfying.
part of life. We need not dwell in it or seek it out, but we can’t afford to ignore it. In recovery, we learn we can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for what we do when we feel angry. We don’t have to let anger control us, but it surely will if we prevent ourselves from feeling it. Being grateful, being positive, being healthy, does not mean we never feel angry. Being grateful, positive, and healthy means we feel angry when we need to. Today, I
